happy birthday, t… grateful to be on this journey with you…you deserve life’s best, always.. 💙 you.
C R Y I N G
adopt me, plz
COOLEST GRANDMA EVER
I am Deedra-Ann Cole, born on July 11, 1999 at exactly 12:04 a.m. I was born into an okay family that consists of a loving mother, reserved father and three annoying older brothers. As a little girl I was always quiet. My mother told me she thought I was dumb, because I never made a sound up until 13 months old when I cried for the first time. When I attended kindergarten, I never spoke. I use to sit in class and just do my work. I had 3 friends, they’d talk and I’d listen. I was a very angry kid, I don’t know why, but I was. I remember vividly my K2 teacher placing a little boy beside me that was the mean kid. He used to break people’s stuff and start fights. I remember him taking up my talking book and breaking all the pages in front of me. I was so angry I bit his ear and he had to get 6 stitches. Ever since that day that boy has been super nice to everyone. Fast forward to primary school. I was the smartest girl at school, everyone loved me in front of my face, but smack talked me behind my back. I never really cared because I knew who I was and that all they talked were bull. I felt that way up until grade six, when my teacher literally hated me. She made me feel useless. I can remember her telling me I wouldn’t attend the high school I wanted to because I wasn’t good enough. She wrecked me a bit, but I ignored all the feelings and continued on in my simple anger that I’ve developed from an early age. I actually did get into the high school I wanted, the best in my country and I went there with utter confidence that was crushed within a month of me being there. The boys in my class back then hated me. I was the centre of every joke that was made in class. I was called a pest, bitch, anorexic, ugly, disgusting, and a lot more repulsive name people shouldn’t be called. I was so angry all the time that I became mean to people who didn’t deserve it. I was bullied and sometimes I felt the need to make others feel as bad as I did. I shut my family out for such a long time because of how others made me feel. I locked myself in my room every night and cry, then I started cutting. I first did a slit along my thigh, then my wrists, my leg. I went silent again. I absorbed everything the boys said to me at school. I stopped caring. I hated myself, I envied every girl that had a smile on their face. I envied everyone who laughed. I was trapped inside myself. It was not only what people said that broke me, but also what I did. I convinced myself every single day that I wasn’t good enough and that I’d never be. I was just a hollow shell after 2 months. This went on for 2 years, 2 years too long. I said nothing to my mother or teachers, I just went on. Until February of 2013. I decided I wanted to end it all, end my life. I was gonna do it, end my pain and suffering, but deep down I knew I couldn’t. Not after seeing my little baby niece smiling at me the day I wanted to end my life. I told myself that I’d wait until the next day and I’d grow some balls and just end it all. The next day when I woke up, I felt different. I went outside and made the choice to have fate decide my future, so I wrote ‘Help’ on a piece of paper and ‘End’ on the other and I let them both free after closing my eyes and whichever one I found first would be it. When I opened my eyes I found one of the papers at my feet and it was the one labelled ‘Help’. And that’s what I did, I told my mum everything. I admitted to cutting and what the boys did to me and how I felt. My mum went to my school and spoke to my form teacher and the bullying ended. The boys are actually civilized towards me now, but I’ll never forget the pain that subconsciously caused me. My mum sent me to therapy and I met other kids like myself that had a hard time. On March 20th I stopped cutting, I couldn’t cause myself anymore pain. I felt free and ok. I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t depressed. In June I went on my tumblr that I made a year before to reblog depressing crap, and I changed it. I found the nice bright quality pics and became a quality blogger. Ever since what happened to me I’ve always wanted to make others happy so I just started sending people nice stuff and tried my best to make you guys happy. After a while I started getting hate. It did affect me, but I just went to therapy and talked it out, until it all just doesn’t faze me anymore. I know I’m not the prettiest person out there, but I’m not hideous. For the first in a long while I feel amazing in my own skin. I may have my days, but I feel much better that I did a year ago.
Remember guys, never accept crap people give you. Get help and never resort to inflicting pain on yourselves. Find your happiness and never give up. I love you all.
Omg why does this have reblogs?!?!
Rocky x Fredo
My new lover